Day job stuff today. Recorded a choir of 7 to 9 year olds yesterday, mixing that most of today.
I forgot that I had played this on the piano whilst testing levels; the juxtaposition of this and happy kids singing amused me greatly…
No idea what’s going on today. Had three very civilised drinks last night – feel like death this evening.
I can’t handle this. I feel so fucking unhealthy. I eat shit. I’ve stopped exercising. I feel like I’m falling apart.
It’s like I turned 30 and my body has just given up. Fuck. I’m 30. How did I get here so fast?
Very productive meeting this evening with Paper Carousel about new videos.
We’re discussing the possibilties of at least two new videos later this year. Very early in the process, can’t say when/where/how, but very excited about it.
In case you missed it (unlikely, I know) here’s the last one we did together:
Total day off today. Went to Oxford to hang out and look cool.
Oxford is a city I normally enjoy hanging around in. It’s been nearly two years since I’ve been. It’s really lost its charm for me. It’s juxtaposition of historical significance and modern retail therapy used to work wonders for me. Today, it just seemed tired.
As a modern city experience, it can’t hope to live up to my continually modernising hometown of Birmingham. As a snapshot of English history, it doesn’t show the respect for itself that my spiritual hometown of Bath does.
Odd, as it’s a place I’ve always enjoyed being. In two years it seems to have changed a lot. Hmmm. Maybe it’s just me. Maybe the fact that I was in Bath last weekend is ruining my opinion of everywhere else just lately…
So many ideas.
I have an idea for a title now. It fits around the idea so well. I never have a title this early.
I’m nervous. I’m nervous about writing again. I write sporadically. I’m not a song-a-day kind of writer. I’m even more nervous about the subject matter. It’s not pretty, but I have to go there. Nobody else can. It really is my problem to solve.
I know how vague this all seems. Just bare with me, mmmkay?
After a few false starts, I have my next move.
Yesterday was pretty important. So many pieces came together suddenly. It’s a big idea. It’s the most important idea I’ve ever had. A theme that kept coming back in random places that I couldn’t make sense of. Suddenly, I’ve realised why.
I have to be cryptic. I can’t risk ruining it. I won’t be documenting it for the sake of documenting. It’s too important.
What I would be talking about is Album Two, except I have no idea if the word album means anything to me anymore. XCSS/XCSS is certainly not an album in any traditional sense. It is a complete idea, though. A collection of songs that hold together. Whatever this thing is, it’s feels strong.
I’m ready to fall of the edge for this.
Woah! Latest I’ve left the blog yet – 2 minutes to midnight! Been jamming with my old man. Introduced him to live looping on the iPad. Amazing.
Actually worked on a huge blog post today. So huge I couldn’t finish it in a day. More later.
Remember this? Did they reform recently? I’m so behind.
I was at this gig – they were awesome, this being a high point obvs.
Saw this lovely bit of tech stuff on twitter earlier, RT’d by the always interesting @Sharl. A simple enough idea; what five pieces of tech defined your adolescence? Obviously, I couldn’t resist. In no particular order…
Nokia 402
The first high-end phone (as it was then) I owned. Absolutely mindblowing. The keys LIT UP so you could see what you were texting in the dark. It had a game on it called Snake, which kept my stoned 17 year old brain entertained for months. The interchangeable covers were a revelation too; for less than a tenner you could make your boring blue phone into hideous faux chrome brick. Magical.
Tascam 424
Wow. Did this blow my mind. This is where it all started. The first time I used this defined everything I have ever done. The concept that I could layer one idea over another was something I would dedicate the rest of my life to. Four whole tracks. Unbelievable. Sitting here in my two Mac/Logic/Pro Tools powered 2012 studio, well, gimme a C90 and one of these bad boys anyday…
Sony MZ r55 Minidisc Walkman
Another revolutionary device. Digital music. No tapes. No messing. No mucky muck. Just lower than CD-quality compressed audio on a hideously overpriced format. Bliss. This WAS the future. For a bit. I remember that through a ridiculous combo of button presses you could title tracks. I spent £200 (a fortune to a 17 year old in 1999) on this obsolete tat, and didn’t let it out of my sight for years. Happy days indeed.
Boss DR-660
The first instance where I saw the potential in electronic music. The moment I played my guitar to a drum machine at the age of 15, I was obsessed. My spidery riffs, when played to a 909 suddenly made sense. Without this, no Ghostships. Hideous to program and buggy as hell, I loved this piece of junk. Still have it, in fact.
Fruity Loops
The point of no return. A pirate copy of this and a few funky drummer samples found their way onto my Pentium III. My life changed overnight. I knew who I was when I first sang over The Winston’s Amen Brother, sped up in this clunky Windows application. In fact, many of you will know, I still can’t get enough of real instruments & breaks. In practice combining live instruments with this was a hideously convoluted process in the early days, but better than actual life itself to me in 1999.
Those are some of mine. What are yours?
Here’s the original post at The Verge; do check it out: http://www.theverge.com/2012/1/8/2691256/the-five-pieces-of-technology-that-defined-my-adolescence
There’s been a million different things that have lead me to this update. It’s been a long time coming, however.
Today seems like an important day for this. Today, the government voted against the #SpartacusReport request to pause plans to scrap Disability Living Allowance. Very worrying and disappointing. Clearly the very real fears of disabled people in this country aren’t that important.
If you’re reading this, you’ve probably met me in real life. The fact that I am disabled is therefore not big news to you. Cerebral Palsy and Spina Bifida; thank you for asking. Don’t worry; you can’t catch it. It would leave me wheelchair-bound, were it not for a sadistic routine of almost daily gym visits. Seriously, I’m that ill. Right now, it’s okay. Not great. Okay.
If you’ve never met me, you probably didn’t know this. Here’s why.
I don’t explicitly talk about this on here for one very important reason, the one thing I hold dear as a struggling performer who has a disability.
I don’t want to be given a break because of my condition. I reserve the right to be shit.
I think it’s safe to assume that the pages of the NME have been largely free of singer-songwriter-performers with CP of late. Let’s say I’ve cornered that particular niche. But to broadcast the fact that I am a disabled performer as if that fact were part of what I do, I’m not so comfortable with that. Not comfortable at all, actually. I can’t play the Disability Card. I am always going to be paranoid of getting any kind of leeway because of being thought of as a disabled person ‘having a go’. I want people to feel free to hate my music; certainly don’t give me any mileage because I’m a bit wobbly*. Maybe it’s not an issue, but it definitely keeps me awake at night.
Sure enough, things could go the other way. The casual use of disablist language on twitter shows just how far we are from living in a society that accepts disabled people as equal. Will people disregard my work because of my condition? Would success put me in line for yet more discrimination?
I’ve been accused many times of hiding the fact; of being very dishonest with this blog. Readers have pointed to the fact that I should be ‘real’ enough to be open about it. The truth is, it’s just not at the forefront of my mind at the moment. Not discussing it is fair, I feel, not dishonest. I’m an autobiographical writer, true, but is everything in my life constrained by my disability? Obviously not. The point of my career is not to be a disabled recording artist. I’m just doing the same thing as everybody else; screwing up relationships, hurting people I love, hurting myself… all that good singer/songwriter stuff. My life is fucked up enough at times, being disabled doesn’t change a lot of that. I’m quite comfortable in my outsiderishness, you know. I have no desire to fit in anyway, disabled or not.
I’m digressing wildly.
The issues surrounding the Sparticus Report went some way to pursuade me to start talking about this in more detail. The struggle that disabled people will face due to the government’s proposals is immense. If nothing else, I need to stand up and be counted, and for that to be a for a positive reason. After today, it’s clear that we have a long fight ahead.
Before writing this, I appealed for advice from Nicola Clark on my unease about ‘coming out’ with the disability stuff. Nicky has been very helpful to me (and countless others) via twitter, and was kind enough to return my email. She felt very strongly that disabled artists need to make themselves known as such, but pointed out that many (like me) felt nervous about playing ‘The Disability Card’. After her gentle encouragement, I felt a teeny bit less terrified by the thought of talking about all this.
Clearly, it’s important to people. There are so few role models for disabled people in this country (not suggesting that I would make a good one) that clearly any performer that can use their position wisely really, really must. I know how much it would have meant to me when I was younger, if there had been someone I could relate too on that level, who’s work I admired. To think that I could maybe, just maybe, have that influence over another young disabled person; well, that’s definitely worth being in the firing line for.
*Not my term; pinched from the brilliant Francesca Martinez.
