The Hardest Day. In The Smallest Way.

No drama. Everything’s fine. More than fine. The list of things I have to grateful for is embarrassing. Nothing even happened today. Maybe that’s the problem.

Today the government announced the extension to the lockdown. At least three more weeks. I disn’t think it bothered me. And yet today, I’ve been in the most I-Just-Can’t-Be-Arsed-To-Exist anymore kind of funk.

I thought I’d at least get some music made. I just feel so uninspired. Of course it’s uninspiring, all this. Every day is exactly the same. I miss the world. I have nothing to say, it seems.

I had what feels like a rebellious thought in this moment of ticky list, read that book, write that memoir, productivity-guilt-tripping. For a moment I thought, what if I don’t? What if I’m not inspired? What if I stop trying? Just rest. Meditate. Reflect.

It seems drastic. But it made me think. Maybe I’m trying too hard to make the best of all this. Maybe it just is. And for now, I need to make peace with whatever it is.

Stay safe xx

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